American Dream Found Dead, Foul Play Suspected

AMERICA- Last Friday, a 911 call sent police officers to a middle-class home on the edge of a suburb of a major American city. When officers arrived at the scene, they discovered that the American Dream was dead, and had probably been murdered.

“After working homicide you get used to these sorts of things, but for about 99% of us, there’s just something particularly gruesome about this case,” said Detective Joe Everyman.

Witnesses saw several individuals wearing white-collared shirts enter the victim’s house around the estimated time of death. “We have a real good idea of who the criminals are, but bringing them to justice is going to be difficult,” said Chief of Police Nick Carraway at a press conference. “They seem to have friends in high places.”

Many in the neighborhood are shocked that anyone would ever target the American Dream. “I had a lot of respect for the guy. The American Dream went to work seven days a week, but always had the time to drive the kids to baseball practice,” said Willy Loman, the American Dream’s next-door neighbor.

The American Dream’s sibling, Greed, is considered the prime suspect by a handful of the officers involved, although at the moment there is no conclusive evidence.

At this point Greed is the legal guardian of the American Dream’s children. America’s Innocence, the American Dream’s spouse, disappeared several years ago.

The children of the American Dream, while upset at the loss of their parents, are quickly taking to their guardian. “Greed laughed when I said I wanted to be a teacher in an inner-city school,” said Liberty, one of the American Dream’s children.

“Greed thinks I’d make a better investment banker.”

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