Osgood's Senioritis Getting Out Of Control
NOLLEN HOUSE - With only a couple months left at Grinnell, it is clear that Russell K. Osgood '10 can't wait to leave Grinnell and move onto bigger and better things.
"It's become clear that he's completely checked...
"It's become clear that he's completely checked...
Osgood Leaves Pioneers, Signs With Vikings
EDEN PRAIRIE, MN - Grinnell College President Russell Osgood has decided to sign a five year deal with the Minnesota Vikings. Head Coach Brad Childress expressed his great excitement, noting how he had been trying unsuccessfully...
Report: Student Chained To Water Fountain Outside Harris
CLARK - Though he had earlier possessed modest expectations of being chained to a human, first-year Daniel Myers was informed by an anonymous source in his Clark 3rd room on Thursday night that he will be chained to the...
Campus News
Ever since President Osgood announced his plans to leave in August, there has been rampant speculation as to whom will be replacing him as President of Grinnell College. Some have insisted that the next president have...
MEARS - Already eight minutes late for a meeting with English professor Alicia Morrow that was scheduled for 10:30 last Thursday morning, second-year student Cameron Taylor rushed up the stairs of Mears Cottage, entered...
National News
PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE - President Obama announced that he would not bail out Vice President Joe Biden in a game of Monopoly started Thursday night in the Oval Office. The announcement came after bailouts of the banking...
DES MOINES - The penis of Iowa state senator Mark King (IA-06) confessed to an extramarital affair Sunday during an interview with David Gregory on NBC's "Meet the Press." The penis said it would step down from several...
Editorial
Following your dreams is great and all, but in the real world, doing what you love just doesn't pay the bills. Maybe you should've majored in something more marketable like I so kindly suggest every time it comes up...
Backpage
Where To (Sort Of) Do Work On Campus
Unlike high school, I think most Grinnellians would agree with me that our work is too different day in and day out to have one homework routine, like we might have had four years ago. Some work requires our complete, undivided...
Food For A Backpage's Length Of Thought
As topics for the Backpage this month were being discussed, "food" became a viable option as soon as it was thrown in the mix. Was this because I was hungry at the time? Probably, but the more I got to thinking about it, the...
Third year student Anadn Desai voiced his concern saying, I went to all my classes last week and I didn't have an excuse for why my work sucked.
The Bottom Line
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News in Brief
Security Blotter
- Wednesday, 7:56AM - Officer responds to apparent robbery of dining services safe. Officer finds thief walking away with cash. Thief offers officer some of cash and Officer finds nothing and no one at dining services. Absolutely nothing at all.
- Saturday, 3:03PM - Student calls in prank to Security. Student claims that there is some sort of scary man wearing a hockey mask in her dorm. Officer hangs up phone and puts Oprah back on.
- Saturday, 3:07PM - Student calls in another prank, again claiming hockey-masked man won’t leave. Again, officer returns to Oprah.
- Tuesday, 8:59PM - While making rounds, officer finds red-stained hockey stick in Haines. Officer files a report and Haines residents are fined for littering.
- Wednesday, 4:24PM - Officer responds to noise complaint on Rose second. Upon arriving officer finds group singing to a young lady. Group claims this was due to something called called “Valentine’s Day,”which they claim is an annual holiday. Officer quickly breaks up heathen ritual.
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