The B&S Endorses Old White Man

Ever since President Osgood announced his plans to leave in August, there has been rampant speculation as to whom will be replacing him as President of Grinnell College. Some have insisted that the next president have a strong background in the liberal arts. Others claim that with the current endowment problems, the most important characteristic for the next president is an ability to rally alumni for donations. But Grinnell should not settle for our next president. They need to pick a person who embodies everything this school needs. For these reasons and more, The B&S is proud to announce our endorsement of Old White Man for the next President of Grinnell College.

Grinnell clearly has some issues that the next president will have to address. The school needs someone who can fix its flawed minority hiring policy, help the school remain competitive with other top liberal arts institutions, and, perhaps most importantly, effectively handle the school's financial woes.

Old White Man would clearly be the best to solve all of these issues. Throughout his career, he has definitely appeared to make an attempt to hire minority candidates. On occasion, he has even hired them. Additionally, Old White Man has long been involved with liberal arts schools, so he knows what it takes to run one. As for the financial problems, Old White Man has a long history of making and holding onto money.

Old White Man has a long history of leadership. Regardless of the endeavor he's been involved with, he has always shown the necessary drive to obtain a leadership position. And upon obtaining that position, Old White Man has fought hard to hold on to that power.

In addition to his natural penchant for leadership, Old White Man is very good at working with others to accomplish a goal. Whenever confronted with a problem he has always been able to solve it with the help of other old white men.

A quick look at his resume should ease any concerns. Old White Man has done some remarkable things. He invented the artificial heart, ran Goldman Sachs, was an editor for the New Yorker, and even found time to be president of the White Pines Country Club.

Old White Man's former employees can't stop singing his praises. Middle-aged Chinese Man says that, “Everything I know about business, I learned from Old White Man.”

Young Well-Educated White Man added that, “he was the best boss I could ever ask for. I can honestly say that I hope one day to be just like him.”

There are many others who seem like they would be good fits for the job. Middle-aged White Woman would certainly carry herself with dignity in the position, and Energetic Young Black Man is the most popular with students. In the end, however Old White Man stands out the most. He has consistently proven the most able to perform the tasks that the job requires. He offers the change that the college needs heading into the future.