Students Ask: Is Harris Over-Sexualized?
Above: A stock photo of “Red Light/Green Light,” typical of thousands of photos readily found on any Grinnell student’s Facebook account, proves that Harris could use more overt sexuality.
JRC – During this past week, a group of concerned students tabled outside the dining hall and interviewed students to gather the campus perception of Harris parties. The students wanted to figure out how sexualized Harris is, and if that plays a role in why students attend it.
“I’ve been impressed with the results so far. We learned that people go to Harris for a lot of different reasons,” said Janice Reynolds ’12, head of the survey. “Some people want your basic hook-up, some are looking to push the limits of public decency, but mostly, they’re looking to get laid. One guy just wants as many hickeys as he can fit on his neck. A real variety of motivations overall.”
The study found that a negligible contingent of students went to Harris for non-sexual reasons. “I really love Harris for its wholesome atmosphere,“ said Harris frequenter Gark Oak ’13. “It offers a really classy way to have fun during the weekends. You grab your shitty beer, and awkwardly stand on the fringes of the dance hall to talk to the other CS majors. It’s a great, plutonic environment.”
Jessica Barton ’12 is one of many students who feel that Harris could use more overt sex. “I haven’t been to Harris since my first year out of principle. It’s not sexualized enough. I am just morally opposed to Harris parties that promote unhealthy lifestyles. Not constantly having sex is a wellness issue.”
Karem Desas ’14 said that he would go to Harris every weekend, but can no longer attend due to the lifetime ban imposed on him. “They kicked me out for being ‘excessively’ lewd. I mean, the College has a very large endowment and loves showing it off, why can’t I do the same?” said Desas. “I go to every party with every expectation that I can unzip my pants, open the door with my penis, and try to insert my shaft into as many different things as I can.”
“I think I’ve learned my lesson,” said Desas. “I’ll never get my penis stuck in the game room pool table again.” Desas still contends, however, that the community should not stigmatize student-billiard sexual relations. “It was consentual,” said Desas.
Some students offered suggestions on ways to arouse greater interest in Harris. “Did you ever read ‘Brave New World’? Add some chocolate body paint, some glow in the dark tweezers, and Marvin Gaye. Now that’d make for an interesting Harris,” said Jennifer Nickel ‘13.
Alex Rio ’14 supports mechanizing Harris. “When I look for girls, intelligence is sexy. But artificial intelligence is just plain hot. We need robots. More robots.”
However, upon briefly considering the possibilities of mechanized intercourse, Rio seemed apprehensive. “Fuck it. I think I’ll just go to Fetish this weekend.”
Jacques Bromighty ’13 suggested that the real problem with Harris was the alcohol consumption. “Sexuality has nothing to do with it. Anybody who’s capable of questioning if Harris is over-sexualized clearly hasn’t had enough to drink. That’s right, Harris needs more alcohol.”
ADVERTISEMENT
No comments yet
Laugh, cry or cringe. Let us know!