Student Dies After Ignoring Briscoe Email
If only students had heeded Briscoe’s warnings.
EAST CAMPUS – Several weeks ago, Grinnell was suddenly and unexpectedly struck by a blizzard of biblical proportions. Chief of Campus Security Stephen Briscoe promptly and heroically emailed the entire student body, warning them of the hidden elemental dangers looming outside. Briscoe’s email doubtlessly saved hundreds of lives, but tragically, it did not reach Aaron Fulwicker ’13 in time to protect him from the storm.
“It’s a horrible thing,” said Briscoe in response to the loss. “You try to help these kids out, telling them about the dangerous things on this campus that they couldn’t possibly see with their own eyes. But you can’t save them all.”
The blizzard hit Grinnell without warning, catching the entire student body completely unaware. According to protocol, Chief of Campus Security Stephen Briscoe promptly emailed the students, warning them of the apocalyptic storm looming beyond their dorm room walls, of which they could have no knowledge.
Sadly, Fulwicker failed to appreciate the seriousness of that email. He ignored Briscoe’s warning, and headed out into the storm at approximately 9:35 PM. He attempted to walk from Noyce to Rose, and froze to death traversing the field in front of East Campus.
Fulwicker was a recently declared physics major. Before underestimating Stephen Briscoe’s wisdom, he had been doing homework in Noyce. His friend Eric Mullerson ’13 was with Fulwicker before he made the fatal mistake.
“We were studying together in the Math Lab,” said Mullerson. “After he finished his problem set, he went to check his email. I heard him laughing… he said something about Stephen Briscoe and how ridiculous he was.” Fulwicker then packed up his belongings and left for home. “If only he’d taken that email more seriously!” said a distraught Mullerson.
Plans have been made for a monument, to be erected at the spot of Fulwicker’s death. The designs include a plaque, with a warning to always read and appreciate emails from Stephen Briscoe.
This is not the first instance of a student foolishly undervaluing the warning emails of Stephen Briscoe. In recent years, students have parked in unauthorized areas, washed laundry during water-main flushing, and chained bikes to handrails, all with fatal or near-fatal consequences.
Fortunately, most students do meticulously read Briscoe’s emails, only deleting them months later if ever. According to a recent study, his messages to the student body have resulted in an estimated 10,000 saved lives. Briscoe recalls one such success story. “For a couple of years now, I’ve been emailing the students about that Iowa Smoke-Free Air Act,” said Briscoe. “Ever since, way fewer students are smoking outside. Since it’s against campus policy to smoke in the buildings or loggias, I figure they all must have quit smoking.”
“Those emails saved hundreds of students from lung cancer,” said Briscoe proudly.
As of press time, Briscoe plans to send the students emails every time the temperature fluctuates more than five degrees Fahrenheit.
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