Professor's Daughter Wishes Her Parents Would Go Away
Recently, reports have been published about clingy parents at a certain small, private, liberal arts college that may be located between Iowa City and Des Moines along I-80. According to Sarah Wilfred '14, several parents, including hers, simply won't leave campus.
“It's my dad. He claims it's his job to be here, but I know he just can't stand to let me go.” Sarah routinely sees her father walking around campus, eating at the dining hall, and teaching English 223 in ARH.
According to Sarah, Professor Kyle Wilfred has always been something of a helicopter parent. “He always had to know what was going on in my life. Almost every night at dinner, he'd ask me, 'So, what did you do today?' or, 'How was school?' All sorts of probing questions. He never respected my privacy.” She even claimed that he wanted to know who she was going to homecoming with when she was fourteen years old. “He never had any respect for my privacy. When I was young, he moved our family to this tiny little town in Iowa, probably so he could keep better track of me. It's been downhill ever since.”
Sarah's father was unavailable to comment on his obsessive disorder, presumably because he had to “meet with tutorial students.” “That sounds just like something he would say,” Sarah responded.
Sarah is not alone in her debacle. Apparently, many other members of the incoming class have hyper-attached parents masquerading as professors. Cindy Weatherford, Professor of Psychology, agreed to comment on the widespread problem.
“These allegations are ridiculous. To imply that these professors' jobs are related to some deep psychological disorder is insane. They are here to teach, nothing more.” Her argument seems reasonable enough. However, according to the campus directory “Professor” Weatherford has a son in the Class of 2014.
Having a parent on campus all day is a serious source of distress for the affected students, interfering with everything from academics to social events. Sarah, however, remains hopeful. “Things have been getting better since school started. We sleep in different buildings now, which is nice, because he doesn't know how late I'm going to bed anymore. And I can grind against any number of guys at Harris and he'll never hear about it. Because really, he has no way of getting to know my peers anymore. It's fantastic.”
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