Osgood's Senioritis Getting Out Of Control
NOLLEN HOUSE- With only a couple months left at Grinnell, it is clear that Russell K. Osgood '10 can't wait to leave Grinnell and move onto bigger and better things.
“It's become clear that he's completely checked out… he skipped three meetings just this week,” stated Susan Schoel, Osgood's secretary. “If things continue like the way they have been, he might even start ditching his office hours.”
Meanwhile, Osgood is still three weeks late to turn in his proposed budget to the Board of Trustees. When reached for comment, the Trustees stated that they were very disappointed with Osgood's recent behavior, and that although they understand that Osgood is excited to nearly be done with his term as president, they feel that Osgood should continue to administrate for the love of administrating, even if there is no longer a threat of a negative performance review.
“Just don't do anything egregious while you're still here,” said Jeremiah Long, a longtime Trustee. “There will be plenty of time to let loose afterwards, no one's saying this isn't supposed to be a fun time.”
“But what I don't want to hear about is Russell sitting outside Nollen House, smoking a cigarette and not making eye contact with the people that are showing up for a meeting at HIS office. That's just unacceptable.”
Students in Osgood's seminar are likewise worried about the journeyman student's recent despondence. “We're looking at the syllabus on the first day of class, and there's simply nothing written under the bullet point entitled 'assignments.' We asked him about it and he just said he would prefer if he didn't have to grade anything this semester.”
When reached for comment about his recent work habits, Osgood said, “Honestly, I just can't wait to get out of here. I worked my ass off for the last ten years, and I did a damn good job. I am entitled to a bit of coast time now. And if that means I don't show up to every meeting, then so be it.”
“Man, I cannot wait to finally be done with this place. Last week, I had to meet with the Vice President of Academic Affairs, and I just straight up zoned out for an hour and a half. Just a couple more months and I am out of here. Never again am I going to get stuck having to have an open forum for student complaints. Just think about it, just a couple more months and I won't have to hear from any of those shits again. I'll be free. I think I might just take a year off and backpack through Europe. Or maybe I'll use my free time to learn guitar and start a band. Doesn't that sound like a good idea?”
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