Osgood Prepares To Enter Real World
The harsh reality of the real world awaits Osgood.
NOLLEN HOUSE – While thousands of seniors have walked across the stage to collect their diplomas and crushing financial debts, it is a rare occasion that the college's President does the same. However, this coming May will see controversial and infamous President Russell Killmeister Osgood '10 taking his last steps as a collegiate and finally going out into the real world.
“While I do love the bustling life of Grinnell and wish I could stay here forever, it is time for me to go out and pursue a career. We'd all love to stay in college forever, but sometimes you've just got to put down your red running shorts, stand facing the world, and say here I am, planet Earth, in all my magnificent glory,” said Osgood.
Naturally, Osgood has begun to look into what to do after college, looking to former President and current Professor George Drake '56. Drake was quoted as saying, “Listen, Rusty, I tried heading out into the real world, but man, is it scary out there. Getting a job, a place to live, cooking all your meals, bills, crazy landlords, traffic, crazy roommates, bear attacks…I just couldn't handle it. That's why I came back here to be a sketchy professor.”
Many senior students are reported to be attending sessions with Osgood to determine what to do after graduation. Naturally, responses have been mixed: Nate Merrick '10 stated that he “felt more confident about my prospects for getting gainful employment. I mean, the economy is shit and all, but my B.A. in English from a small liberal arts college is going to set me apart from everyone else!”
Kathy Strudel '10 felt differently: “All the stuff Osgood was spouting off was complete bullshit. He has no clue about how the job application process works. Instead of filling out resumes, application forms, and going through interviews, he believes that all you need is a sharp suit, a firm handshake, and a plucky, gung-ho attitude. Have fun at Starbucks, RKO.” Julie Agers '13 added, “Hey, is this my Tutorial?”
When asked about his plans for his post-graduation life, Osgood took a big sigh and stated, “Well, I just spent 12 years here at Grinnell, so I'm thinking of taking a year off. You know, backpack across Europe, work a couple of small jobs, maybe coach a rec league running team. Then, after that, I guess I could buckle down and look for a real job. I haven't really had one of those in a while. It would be a shame to let all the attributes that Grinnell instilled in me like time management, concise writing, and bong-ripping to go to waste. I know it'll be tough, and I know that there'll be times when I'll want to just run away and hide. But damnit, if I struggle through it all, I'll be a better person because of it, and maybe, just maybe, the world will be slightly better because of my efforts.”
“Or, I could just go to grad school,” he added.
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