Masked Vigilante Patrols South Loggia

The Stache’s mask allows him to protect his identity and fight crime incognito.

SOUTH - A mysterious masked vigilante has been patrolling South Loggia every night this past week after posters returned to the loggia following the activities of the South Campus Arsonist.

Students and faculty alike are astonished at the valiant efforts the vigilante, known only as “The Stache,” has performed to protect South Loggia from falling into the hands of arsonists, burglars, and security cameras.

“I ran into ‘The Stache’ while walking through the loggia last week. At first I was afraid of him, yet he soon proved that he was out there to protect people like me from the arsonist,” said Randy Ewell ’13.

Sightings of “The Stache” have been scattered as he has been placed at nearly every major campus event. It appears that the actions of the South Campus Arsonist are what caused “The Stache” to become a nighttime vigilante.

“The Stache” is physically described as a Caucasian male, likely in his early fifties, and he possesses a giant mustache. Besides that the rest of his appearance is hidden behind a mask, and plated armor. His armor, covered in red with a laurel leaf has made many feel that “The Stash” is fighting for everything Grinnell College should be.

“‘The Stache’ is out there fighting for each and everyone one of us to achieve and to succeed in what we came to Grinnell for. We should live up to concepts of social justice and equality,” said Deanna Armey ’12. “Oh and flip-cup too. Can’t forget flip-cup.”

Grinnell Security Commissioner Steven Briscoe is against vigilante justice, encouraging students to let Campus Security to take care of the problems on campus. “Campus security has everything under control. There is nothing for anyone to be worried about. The South Campus Arsonist and “The Stache” will be brought to justice.”

“Also any rumors that you have heard about Campus Security possessing a ‘Stache Signal’ are completely unfounded.”

Recent sightings have placed “The Stache” alongside a young first-year seeking revenge known only as “The Five O’Clock Shadow.”

Gerry Amonte ’12 had a run-in with “The Stache” and his young compatriot on Tuesday night. “I’ve just got a problem with anybody who tackles someone with a lighter in the loggia. Granted, I was planning on burning posters. But still, a lot of people are just out there smoking weed.”

In related news, would the owner of a large, black, furry “Stachemobile” please report to Campus Security. Parking on the south campus volleyball court is prohibited.