Kington Overrides Student Initiative Voting, Buys Foam Machine Anyway
Kington’s order to establish executive and party power
NOLLEN HOUSE – In a rare display of executive power, President Raynard Kington MD, PhD, MBJ, overturned student initiative voting results, going over the student body’s head to approve funding for a foam machine to be installed in the Harris Center auditorium. Setting a landmark precedent for thwarting popular sentiment through unconventional budgetary means, Kington reflected on his decision.
“It was time.”
“This student initiative has been on the ballot since time immemorial,” stated Kington in a public address following the execution of his executive override order. “The buck stops here.”
Reactions to this flexing of presidential power in the face of student self-governance remains mixed. Many students have called for celebration in the wake of the resolution of this long-fought battle, however a handful of residents of some of the “fringe” dorms on campus remain skeptical of executive power. Rebecca Motz-Frapolly ’11, leader of the anti-voting group on campus, La Fascisma, was disappointed by Kington’s decision. “This is what happens when you vote, a dictator overrides it. Democracy is pointless.”
“The foam machine is gonna be awesome though.”
Residents of the Cleveland have barricaded windows and doors in anticipation of further arrogations of student voting rights. “It’s only a matter of time before Kington passes an initiative to take down window and door barricades, so we’re acting preemptively,” said Randy Shuster ’12.
Cliffton “Freebird” Gerard ‘14 expressed his paranoia regarding executive power, “Hey man, first it’s the foam machine, next thing you know Kington’s gonna be approving all kinds of Student Initiatives, you know?” Gerard proceeded to rattle off a list of potential unpopular initiatives that Kington might look to bully through the approval process in the future, including allowing sheep to graze on Mac Field, re-naming Park Street, and building dorms on East Campus.
Sydney Hawke ’12, an Eco House resident, shuddered in disbelief, muttering distractedly about supposed environmental impacts from “unsustainable industrial foam production” and its potential effects on Grinnell’s dolphin and saber-tooth tiger population.
The Student Government Association, normally on the front lines of protesting infringements on student rights, remains mysteriously silent about the Initiative debacle. Smirking, sponsor of the initiative and President-Elect Gabe Schechter ‘11 was happy to see the Initiative passed.
“I think we can all look forward to seeing Raynard at Harris.”
Denise Watson ’13 is happy with the Kington’s decision. “Now that Raynard’s gonna do all the things we want I don’t think we need student initiatives anymore.”
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