ITS Plans To Save $50,000 By Fucking Over Students, Wasting $50,000

FORUM- Grinnell's Information Technology Services (ITS) plans to install software on printers across campus to help curb spending and fuck over students in the most nonsensical way possible.

Public printers, which are used by students in computer labs across campus, account for about $50,000 per year spent on ink, toner, and paper. That's about 5% of the estimated $1 million printing budget for the entire College, a huge proportion that ITS deems unacceptable. To help stop these resources from being wasted on students, ITS finally proposed new software that will discourage students from using College resources to print materials for class.

(It should be noted that no one really knows how much the College spends on printing or what percentage can be attributed to student printing, although ITS has decided the exact figure is too high.)

The new system will require users to scan a P-card at the printer, which should help reduce the number of printing jobs left on standby when printers are out of paper or students print too many copies. The software will also limit the number of pages students may print on campus and begin charging them for each page they print over the limit.

ITS has not conducted any research to determine how many pages students actually need to print, nor have they consulted students about the impact the new system will have on student life.

“We didn't feel the need to run this by anyone outside our department,” said ITS Director Bill Francis. “So we've been ramming it through behind the scenes and ignoring SGA about the whole thing.”

“It's just much easier that way,” added Francis.

Many students are worried and upset about the proposed changes, but Francis dismisses such trepidation as the whining of “spoiled little fuckers.”

“They seriously want to do that?” said Hannah Erdwung '11. “Wow. I should steal a bunch of printer paper from ITS just on principle.”

Implementing the system will amount to a removal of free printing for students, bringing the College one step further to being indistinguishable from its peer institutions. Expensive printing charges at other colleges and universities are popular among their student bodies, ITS assumes.

“I wasn't notified,” said President Osgood '10 when asked about the plan. “I might have to make a phone call about this.”

As of press time, Francis had no comment on the stupidity of spending $50,000 to try to reduce a $50,000 budget.

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