Frustrated Americans Occupy Occupy Wall Street

NYC- Thousands of Americans have begun to congregate in New York to stage a protest against the thousands of Americans who have congregated in New York to stage a protest.

The group is calling themselves “Occupy Occupy.” It consists of people from a variety of backgrounds who have gathered in frustration over the people from a variety of backgrounds who have gathered in frustration.

Mason Fellworth, the group’s functioning spokesperson, has been a political activist for most of his life, starting with the Vietnam War protests. “These Occupy people need better infrastructure. A movement can only gain respect if it has one or more well-known figureheads supporting and driving it. Also, it’s surprisingly difficult to get high inside of Occupy,” said Fellworth. “I guess they’re worried about the constant police presence, but man, I’m telling you, you can’t protest anything properly without a little of the green stuff. Oh, which reminds me, you need money too. So in Occupy Occupy, we aim to learn from Occupy’s mistakes.”

The so-called “one-percenters” are notably absent from the ranks of Occupy Occupy, supposedly because they’re out making so much goddamn money they don’t give a shit. “You’d think the rich would have a vested interest in Occupy Occupy,” said protester and retired political analyst Ashley Havers. “Occupy has seemed to put serious social pressure on the rich, and I’m sure they want to lash back. But as the saying goes, there’s no such thing has bad press, and the rich seem perfectly content to sit back and continue polarizing the balance of wealth and power in our nation,” said Havers. “They also get so much sympathy press on Fox News that they don’t need to worry about having their voice heard.”

“Speaking of which, Fox has agreed to sponsor us and air our side of the protests,” said Havers. “We’re all pretty excited to have the backing of such a powerful narrative machine. Occupy has what, Jon Stewart on their side? Nobody intelligent pays any attention to satirical news.”

What is Occupy Occupy’s message to America? “I think our main complaint is that protesters shouldn’t have so much power in our government,” said spokesperson Fellworth. “That does cause our group something of an existential crisis, but I think we’re meta enough to handle it.”