Former Editor Puts In A Good Word For Puns
WASHINGTON- In a bold move that literally nobody was clamoring for, former B&S editor Kevin Marcou '08 vowed to insert at least one pun into every sentence of his article for the 50th Issueversary of The B&S, thus proving that not every writer under pressure to contribute is, at present, tense.
“Even though I'm tall, I know I'm not a man of high standing,” said Marcou in a press release to himself earlier today, “I just hope that my meager voice can help puns get back to their rightful place, brushing with fame like a hairdresser to a movie star.”
Marcou's desire to take it a-pun himself to revive puns comes after a long hiatus, which included stints as a tailor. He was recently inducted into the Pin Pushers Hall of Fame and is now something of a status thimble, then became a boomerang salesman, evidently in a misguided hope that they would come back. For a time, while recovering from two broken arms, Mr. Marcou was spotted at the famous Notre Dame cathedral as an assistant bell-ringer, although being unable to use his arms Marcou was forced to use his head to toll the bells (When asked for comment, his boss said the name didn't sound familiar, “but the face rings a bell!”). Marcou was also spotted at more menial tasks, such as his time spent as an undertaker, although this career was short-lived when it was discovered he was involved in an underground plot, in addition to a stretch as an accountant, a job he reportedly enjoyed, figuratively speaking.
However, all is not as well as it might appear with Mr. Marcou, as a recent onset of male pattern baldness is proving that a balding man and his hair are soon parted, and more and more he is finding slipping into his size 14 shoes to be quite a feet. “I was going to visit a podiatrist, but I got cold feet, and I had an appointment with a chiropractor, but I backed out of that as well.” said Marcou, ancient at the age of 24. “Thank goodness I have my mutt Sparky here to keep me healthy and happy; He really is my cur for the common cold.”
Not everybody is pleased with this latest pun-tastic outcome, such as former B&S editor and co-worker Bryan Williams: “You can push these damn puns on us all you want, Marcou, but no matter how often you push the envelope, it's still going to be stationary.” Williams then cursed himself upon realizing that he had just made a pun, adding “Dammit Marcou, you fruit, if you hadn't been so fresh you wouldn't be in this jam…ah fuck!”
Marcou, however, is not put off by these naysayers, comparing himself to a juggler in that “knowing how to do it is one thing, but you're nothing if you ain't got the balls to do it.”
In a related story, famed B&S cartoonist and pun-enthusiast Frederick Lazenbury was found dead in his apartment earlier today, although details are still sketchy at this time.
Kevin Marcou is the 2008 recipient of the Western Poweshiek County College Satire Newspaper Award for “Most Puns Abused.” He regrets nothing.
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