FDA Recalls 60,000 Pounds Of First-Year
Tainted first-years await decontamination before they can safely be consumed on campus.
GRINNELL- Manufacturers across the country have recalled over 60,000 pounds of first-year after dozens of upperclassmen became sickened by exposure to the tainted product. Although millions of first-years are shipped across the country every year, many of them arriving in Grinnell, the industry has been slow to adopt safety standards recommended by the FDA, making first-years the most dangerously unregulated livestock in the country.
The outbreak began as early as last January, when College inspectors approved thousands of defective first-years for arrival and processing on campus. Many were shipped to Grinnell in April for testing, but students on campus were kept unaware of the criteria used to determine which first-years are suitable for consumption.
Many upperclassmen believe that standards for first-years have been declining for years.
“We've demanded rigorous testing for our fresh meat, but the quality just isn't there anymore,” said Warren Polst '12. “The lousy first-years slipped past the inspections, and now they're making all of us sick.”
The infected batch if first-year has reportedly caused hundreds of cases of nausea as well as numerous reports of headaches, loss of appetite, premature hair loss, indigestion,
“I was waiting in line at the mailroom and somehow a rotten first-year got into the front of the line. It immediately caused me to become sick to my stomach,” said Craig Davids '11.
While many spoiled first-years come from farms in Iowa, Grinnell imports others to serve upperclassmen from elsewhere in the Midwest, the nation, and the entire world, sparking fears that international first-years may be tainted with lead or other harmful chemicals.
“We get these things in from China, India, Greece, Canada, Indiana – all these places with a history of problematic safety inspections,” said Dean of Students Travis Greene. “We have to check for lead, asbestos, you name it.” According to Greene, first-years are frequently host to parasites such as helicopter parents, which cost the College thousands of dollars every year in elaborate plans to expel infestations. Although the College was successful in preventing the spread of helicopter parent infections during NSO, officials fear that next year could see worse outbreaks. Student Affairs and the Health Center are working on a plan to burn or freeze first-years, helicopter parents, townies, and other pests.
“It's more humane than fumigating the whole campus,” said Vice President of Student Affairs Houston Dougharty. “And it doesn't smell nearly as bad.”
Fortunately, as winter sets in, many spoiled first-years will freeze to death, stopping the spread of diseases and helping to protect students, faculty, and staff.
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